Is Losing Out on Eternal Marriage Really a Loss?

“Don’t you feel awful for giving up the chance of eternal marriage?” is a question that my LDS friends and family ask me fairly often, usually accompanied by a look of deep concern.  I can understand the question: I’ve asked the same thing myself.

When you’re LDS the pinnacle of your religious experience is a temple marriage, and the thought of spending your eternity with your spouse, and family. (How that actually works out is a bit more complicated because presumably each of your children and their spouses will have their own eternity together so they can’t possibly be with you since they’ll be with their spouses, and then there’s the in-laws—like I said, it’s a complicated matter, but it’s still a nice thought if you have a good marriage.)

This Valentines Day I was thinking about this whole topic, and decided that I really would like to share why the loss of a temple marriage and eternal family really isn’t a loss at all.

A Christian marriage is based on the premise that God created that marriage—that He ordained the concept of marriage from the very beginning. God saw that Adam was alone, and decided that “It is not good that man should be alone.” Because of that, He created Eve. It’s also based on the premise that God made marriage for this lifetime, and He’s planned something really amazing and great for the next one. The terms the Bible uses are things like “eternal life,” “the kingdom of God,” “living water,” and “life,” and the converse as “the wrath of God” and “death.” 

Nowhere in the Bible though, does it teach that this eternal life has anything to do with an eternal marriage. In fact, the Bible teaches explicitly against eternal marriage in Matthew 22:30.

A Christian marriage therefore is a marriage for this life only, and yet that thought isn’t sad. Instead, the Christian knows that God has a far better plan, a plan that is better than the human mind can imagine. It lies in the character of God, and in a Christian’s relationship to God. God, to a Christian, really is unfathomable. Truthfully we just can’t imagine His greatness, but occasionally when we least expect it, usually, God gives us a peak into Him, and when He does we see something desirable, something amazing, something beyond our biggest dreams and we know instinctively that this Something will fulfill our every desire much, much better than any earthly thing ever could.

Truthfully we’ve experienced human marriage: even good ones, and even those heavenly moments when we think we’re already in eternity. But, when compared to what God—the God who created the universe—has for us, well we know that there really is no comparison.

So, the next time someone asked me that question, I think I’ll point them to this blog, and ask them: which would you rather have, a earthly imitation, or the Real Thing?

What is "Our Part"?

Did you know that I could make someone real angry, really, really fast? I know it’s hard to believe about me, mild mannered mom and generally all-around nice person that I am, but it’s true. In fact, one of the ways I can tick people off faster than pretty much anything else is for me to tell a LDS person that they are not Christian. And, so in general I don’t make that statement—at all, even though more or less I believe it to be true.

The trouble isn’t that I’m right and they’re wrong, or even that they’re right and I’m wrong, but it’s all wrapped up in definition. You see, when LDS folks say they’re Christian they define that as someone who believes in Christ. When I (or someone else that I might agree with) say that they’re not Christian I mean that they do not believe certain biblical doctrines that are set forth so clearly in the Bible that their truths really are not open to debate.

As I read the LDS webpage entitled Jesus is the Way http://lds.org/plan/jesus-christ-is-the-way?lang=eng there’s a real good example of one of those differences. It’s in the portion of the article entitled We Have To Do Our Part, and says “. . . we have to do our part to overcome spiritual death. To be forgiven of our sins, we need to repent and increase our faith in Jesus Christ throughout our lives. We will not be saved simply because we get baptized or say we believe in Jesus Christ. It takes work. . .”

Now, no true Christian would disagree that there are things that God wants us to do, and doesn’t want us to do, and that a true Christian would live out his life trying to do, or not do, those things. In fact, as James so rightly points out, if we’re not doing (or not, not doing) those things, we should examine ourselves to see if we’re really Christians at all. But, the Bible is very clear that our works do not contribute to our salvation. Or in other words what we do, or don’t do won’t change one bit whether or not we’ve been reconciled to God if we’ve been reconciled to God in God’s way.

Paul is actually the apostle who talks the most about this concept and in Romans 4 he gives the clearest teaching of all about this when he compares us working for our salvation to having a job. Most of us when we go to work every day don’t do it out of grace: we do it because we expect to be paid. And, that’s just how Paul compares salvation, he tells us that if we work for it we get what we deserve, our pay so to speak. The trouble is that God demands that we do it either our way, or His way. His way is through putting our faith in His Son, Jesus and in His finished work on the cross. (See Romans 3 and 4, Ephesians 2, Galatians 3, John 3, 6 and many, many more verses.) Our way is to work and try to make ourselves good enough that God, or Jesus might accept us; to somehow do enough good deeds that our good deeds outweigh our bad deeds and somehow we’ll make the standard that God sets, even if by the skin of our teeth. (If we were Muslim we could choose martyrdom and then we’d know that we’d made it, but otherwise we’re always left wondering if we’ve lived up to God’s standard, no matter how “good” we become or how much “good” we do.)

And, this is where our own works trip us up. You see, the Bible also says that all—yes that’s ALL of our “righteous” acts are like filthy rags before God. (Isaiah 64:6) Other passages in the Bible agree with this assessment, Paul tells us in Romans 7 that in his flesh (our human nature) nothing truly good exists (vs. 18). And, the Proverbs tell us that what we think is “right” isn’t right with God (Proverbs 16:25).

So in the end, although it may seem that we can work and try and do all these good things that’ll somehow help in our salvation, the Bible is unequivocal in it’s teaching that we can’t do anything that’s going to help out in our salvation, and in fact, that if we’re counting on our good works for anything at all, we’ve nullified grace. . . which means that we then get the “wages” for our own behavior.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve tried to “do” all the right things, and you know what? It doesn’t last, or I just plain can’t do it right, or I don’t know really, but somehow it fails—fatally fails. I lose my temper, or I am not patient enough, or someone cuts in front of me in traffic, or the dog truly does eat my homework, and the washer eats my socks, and well, I just fail again and again and again.

The good news is that Jesus knew that. He planned for that in fact, by taking away the responsibility for my sin from me, and taking it on Himself and in taking it on Himself paid for it in the only way really possible. He paid for it in the only way that is, and will ever be, good enough.

And, all He asked from me was the one thing that I can do: to trust in Him, and even in my utter inability to do that well, He knew and made the provision, and He works in me to do what He’s purposed to do in me, and in that He is glorified, and I am not.

Which is why the next time I make someone mad, I’m trusting that Jesus will give me the will, power, and words to make the situation right, even if we have different definitions of the same word. And most of all I’m trusting that although my “work” is imperfect and in the end fatally flawed, His isn’t.

Keeping Yourself Unspotted from the World

This past Saturday I went to the Saturday morning session of General Conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints with my sister-in-law, Margo. I really enjoyed being with Margo and sharing something that to her was important, and we had nice visits both on the way into Phoenix and out. (We were both visiting my mother who lives 30 miles north of Phoenix and conference was shown at the Stake Center, which is in Phoenix.)

One of the talks in the Saturday Morning Session was given by L. Tom Perry, an apostle in this church, and one of the top leaders of this church. (LDS folks sustain Elder Perry as a prophet, seer, and revelator in their day.) In the talk, Elder Perry made a statement that caused me to reflect a bit: it was that one should “keep oneself unspotted from the world.” Of course I’m familiar with this command because it’s a biblical command found in James chapter 1 and verse 27. And since Elder Perry brought it up, it made me reflect on just how, biblically, a Christian keeps oneself unspotted from the world.

It’s interesting that this command is given right before James launches into his discourse that encourages Christians to work out their faith—to do good works because the world knows we’re Christians by what we do and not just by what we believe. And, that’s usually what we think about when we think about keeping ourselves unspotted from the world. We think about the things we can and should do to keep ourselves unspotted: moral chastity, keeping our language clean, taking care with what we watch on TV and movies, what we listen to on the radio, what we read, who we associate with, and much, much more.

The trouble is that while these are wonderful things for a Christian to do (and we should do these things), to do these things alone, biblically, is to risk becoming like a Pharisee from Jesus day. Here’s what Paul had to say about his experience as an “unspotted” Pharisee:

Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ, (Philippians 3:8)

 And, then Paul went on to talk about what he considered most important:

. . .that I may win Christ, And be found in him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith:  (Philippians 3:8, 9)

One of my favorite passages in the Bible is from John 15 where Jesus talks about what the Christian life is all about. Here’s some of it:

Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me. I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing. (John 15:4-5)

Notice that in this passage Jesus says that unless you “abide” (or stay in a relationship with Him) in Him, you simply cannot bear fruit. Fruit bearing in scripture is the doing that James talks about, and is how we keep ourselves unspotted from the world. Notice too that Jesus says that unless we’re abiding in Him, we can’t do ANYTHING!

And, that’s the overwhelming message of the New Testament: that we can’t do anything by ourselves, in fact, that everything we do, do is tainted. But, that with Jesus, in a relationship with Him, and knowing Him by faith, we can do everything. And, that in a relationship with Jesus we can be truly unspotted and live a life that’s unspotted by the world.

That’s why in the Christian life it’s often said that while the doing is, of course, important, it’s way, way more important to be. Because you see, doing alone only leads to a legalistic focus on rules and regulations, and ultimately on self: what am I doing for God (I being the key word here)? Whereas being focuses on He who made the rules: Jesus Christ, and being with Him. The focus of being therefore is Him and what He wants me to do and of course as we are (being) we will do.

And, that’s just what Paul discovered when he said that he considered all things as “dung” in comparison to being known by Jesus in the righteousness that comes from faith. Paul had discovered that there’s really no comparison between doing and being.