My Story--short version

I thought maybe it was about time to share my story, so here in condensed version is my "testimony." 

My search for truth started in about 1993 when I had a spiritual experience that propelled me back into activity in the LDS church. I had been raised LDS, but had been inactive for a number of years. But, after this spiritual experience, mainly because I didn’t know anything else, I ended up back in the LDS church. For three and one half years I was about as active and as dedicated as anyone can be. I attended the temple, held Family Home Evening, prayed, and read the Book of Mormon with my children, served in the Primary, on the Ward Newsletter, taught Sunday School and was in Young Womens. At the same time I had a passion to find out all I could about Mormonism (I was a LDS apologist in the making), and about what God had to say. Because of that I read all the Standard Works several times over.

In the meantime, my marriage fell apart, and I met and married my present husband. He was raised LDS too, had been out of the church, but came back about the time I met him. I thought we were headed for the Celestial LDS life. However, God had other plans for my life, and about one month after we got married my husband got saved and shared with me he could no longer attend the LDS church.

This, needless to say, caused some difficulty in our new marriage, and we spent hours in discussion trying to come to some consensus on what truth was. He and I literally spent hours and hours in prayer trying to get truth the LDS way (by praying and getting a testimony). We searched the scriptures, rationalized, and more. Through it all though God was working. I can’t tell you the times God brought me back to peace: telling me that there was truth, and that in His time, He’d lead me there.

After about a year of this turmoil, while praying, God spoke very clearly to my heart, telling me to follow my husband when he finally made up his mind. As far as I could tell, this seemed to agree with LDS teachings, and with biblical teachings, so I agreed with God. Of course I really believed that God would bring us together–LDS style! A month or so later my husband made up his mind, but it wasn’t for the LDS church. What a shock!

I can’t tell you the anguish I went through as I prepared to go to my Bishop, hand in my temple recommend, and resign from my calling with the Young Women (1st Counselor). It was only my implicit trust in God that got me through it. Leaving the church was possible the most difficult thing I’ve ever done–and even then I hadn’t really left in my heart–I was just going through the motions.

The first Sunday after I left, my husband and I visited a little Southern Baptist Church in my hometown. I was scared to death! I wouldn’t even let my husband sign a visitors card, I was so sure those Baptist were going to attack me. I look back now though and can see God’s hand on the whole thing, from our accidentally visiting that church because they just happened to have the latest service and our daughter was up all night long, to my accidentally having Wednesdays off when they had a ladies Bible study, to a friend from college accidentally attending that church and even being in charge of the ladies group ... well, maybe you’re getting the picture. God had His hand on every detail of our transition.

After leaving the LDS church I continued to study, study, study, but this time I used only the Bible as my study tool. I had to determine for myself if what it taught contradicted LDS doctrine or not. In my mind that was the only criteria that counted. (I refused to even look at the historical evidences against the LDS church; the Book of Mormon stuff, the Book of Abraham controversies, or any of the rest that is sometimes used by those seeking to get LDS folks out of the church).

In my search for truth, the biggest issue for me was the issue of the trinity. I simply could not believe it! So, I set out to do a dissertation about this very issue. I started reading the Bible from the beginning, making note of every single reference that hinted at the nature of God. After I had done that as thoroughly as possible, I read Talmage’s "Articles of Faith" which explains in great detail the LDS perspective of who Jesus is and who God is, read what the Church had on the internet about God (the internet was in its infancy then, so not much was available online yet), and in various Sunday School books, and then I read some Christian books, including the various Creeds to try to at least understand what Christianity believes, and why. What happened next amazed even me! As I looked at my list of Bible passages, what I came to see is that the Bible teaches the traditional Christian doctrine of the trinity, and not the LDS view. It was a shocking moment, but against overwhelming evidence I had to bow to what the Bible taught.

In the meantime, at the Ladies Bible Study I had started to attend (at the invitation, and the welcome of this Christian friend from college), I saw other things as well. There were lots and lots of passages in the Bible that I had struggled with, trying hard to understand just what they were saying from a LDS perspective–passages that did not make sense when looked at from LDS doctrine, that this study explained in a simple, understandable manner, and most importantly in a way that made sense of the whole passage, or whole text.

Suddenly it was if blinders came off my eyes. I was able to see–really see! And, most importantly, when looked at from the perspective of traditional Christianity, the Bible made sense!

Since that time, I’ve had years to spend studying the scriptures more, and I have to say it just gets better and better. My walk with God is more passionate, more amazing, and more gracious than its ever been. And, the really amazing thing for me is to realize that my walk with Him every day is not dependant on how I feel–but on rather, who He is. And, He, above all else is worthy, and faithful. 

Making the Journey is here!!!!

After all this time, Making the Journey from Mormonsim to Biblical Christianity is out and available for sale. You can buy it from me directly by sending an email to katrina_marti@yahoo.ca, or you can buy it from Amazon here: http://www.amazon.com/Making-Journey-Mormonism-Biblical-Christianity/dp/0615534295/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1339434240&sr=8-1&keywords=making+the+journey+from+Mormonism.

Here's some early reviews: I finished your book this afternoon. What a treat. The chapter on who Jesus is was especially good. I highly recommend to all,

I just started the book, but was already brought to tears by the way you so lovingly described your relationship with the Lord...I am so touched by your mercy to the mormons and love for them.thanks so much

I'm just starting it too, and ditto . Your love shines through. Somehow I can't imagine you enduring all those singles dances like I did. We did have fun but they were awful!

 

Then and Now

A friend recently shared her testimony of the LDS church with me. Among other things, she mentioned a very trying time that she had gone through, and shared that without the help of the LDS church and modern day revelation she doesn’t know how she would have got through it. I was honored that she would care enough to openly share a very trying time in her life with me. I’m old enough now to know that trying times come to all of us—no matter how “good” we are, and no matter how blessed we are with things like a good marriage, coming from a good family, or even financial blessings. The simple fact is that life is going to challenge us in some way.

Before I knew Christ, life’s challenges were tough to deal with. One of my first big challenges in life happened when I was still living “in the world” and honestly, I didn’t handle it very well. I got angry and carried a chip on my shoulders for years afterwards. This anger affected everything I did, even, I'm sad to say, my marriage and family.

Another of life’s big challenges happened when I was LDS, and as my friend pointed out, it was easier to handle: I had supportive friends and family, and most of all I had some kind of relationship with God where He comforted me, held my hand, and helped me through. Anger, depression, and fear though were still a large part of my life as I grappled with my failures, and the failures of others. I really had no peace, or joy in my life, just a sense of obligation to do my best, and hope it was good enough.

Life hasn’t been all smooth sailing since then either. I’ve said more than once that coming out of the LDS church was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Steve’s being sick for the better part of a couple years was another of those hard times. The difference though between then, and now is God—the Holy Spirit within me.

Scriptures say that the fruits, or the outcome of the Spirit is peace, joy, love, self-control, forbearance, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and faithfulness. (Galatians 5:22-23)

Fruit by its very nature cannot happen unless other things happen on the tree. For instance, a tree that’s been cut down will not produce fruit. Likewise, a tree that doesn’t get sun which enters the leaves and produces photosynthesis will not produce fruit. A tree deprived of water entering it through good strong roots also will not produce fruit.

When I think about my past trials these analogies seem to fit right in. In my first example of a challenge I had only the best in worldly things to fall back on: my family, my friends, my own self-confidence, and abilities. When I was still LDS I too had those things to fall back on, but also I had good sound teaching that included some of the very best advice that any man can give to another.

Now though, there is a difference. You see, earthly wisdom can only go so far—and can even be wrong. But, when I’m connected to the vine: the Holy Spirit in a daily walk with Him, there is a difference. I don’t react in the same way to these situations, no matter how hard they are. Things like peace, joy, love and such are not so easy to see. Deep down inside me, though, I know that these things are there, even in the midst of my hardest trials. 

Joy is one of those attributes that I experience daily. Joy comes, really, from having a right relationship with God, and knowing, really knowing, that I am accepted in Him, that I am His beloved, that I am who He wants me to be, and that He is making (re-making) me into who He wants me to be. It’s knowing that my salvation, really, is His work, and I just cooperate with Him in what He’s doing.

Before, however, I had to perform in order to earn the right to stand freely and opening  in God’s presence. So, when I failed, or when I fell down on the job, I experienced condemnation, fear, and depression.  It was also true, that if my husband, or children, or even friends failed to live up to God’s holy, and righteous standards I lost my right (hopefully not forever) to be in God’s presence. That was a tremendous burden to bear, and most people I know don’t bear it well.

Peace too comes from knowing God and knowing that I’m free to serve Him because He bore the penalty for my sins. It’s knowing that even when I do mess up (and I do all too often) He only asks me to come to Him, admit that I was wrong, and then move on as His dearly beloved daughter.

The Bible says that love originates from God—that we can’t even know love, or understand love, if we don’t know and understand God. It makes me wonder if that’s why so many relationships in my past life—even the best ones—were fraught with problems. I simply didn’t understand love, but instead understood a cheap imitation of love. 

I won’t go through the other fruits of the Spirit, but I do see God working out them in my life, and like the tree out my window, I’m just part of the process, soaking up the water, the sunlight, and most of all rooted and grounded in the Source of love, peace, joy, self-control, gentleness, kindness, forbearance, and self-control. What amazing grace, and amazing love!

Who is this Jesus?

Today my niece shared on Facebook a beautiful photo of Jesus accompanied by a quote from 2 Nephi 25:26. The quote basically said “we believe in Christ” and my niece affirmed that this is indeed what she believes.

I’m pretty sure that her cross-posting is an attempt to help those who don’t know about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints understand and know that they too are indeed believers in Jesus, and therefore entitled to be considered Christian. This topic, as most of us know, has really entered the consciousness of our nation, as Mitt Romney, a devout Mormon, marches forward to become the Republican Candidate for President. 

It reminds me of another argument LDS folks make for being Christian when they say something to the effect of “well of course we believe in Jesus, His name, after all is in the name of our church.” Truthfully, LDS folks are quite offended and perplexed that we’d ever consider them anything but Christian when they so obviously embrace Jesus Christ, more or less as depicted in the pages of the Gospels.

I once read a clever analogy written by an acquaintance of mine about buying a truck. His analogy went something like this: I wanted to buy a truck, and I saw a truck that looked great to me. I couldn’t see any obvious problems, the price was right, and I was ready to buy it. However, he happened to live next door to the owner of the truck and knew that this truck was a real lemon. It had recently been to a mechanic who said it was on its last legs, and wouldn’t even last six months. To top it off, the body was full of rust that was carefully hidden by wax and a great detail job, so while I saw a few cosmetic defects, I was missing seeing that it was ready to fall apart. Would it be kind, or fair for my friend to not tell me the truth about the truck I was buying? The answer to that question is obvious.

The analogy applies here in that Jesus, and who He really is, isn’t just cosmetic either. He’s not an unimportant point in our religious discussions, but instead who Jesus is, is very probably the most important issue in our religions. Unfortunately it’s not really a discussion most LDS folks want to get into.

The LDS Jesus is a man who also is a God, the son of God really. He’s also the brother of Satan, and coincidentally you and I. The LDS Jesus is a man who is working and striving to learn and improve to achieve full-godhead so that someday He too can be a “God the Father” on another planet and another time.  The LDS Jesus is eternal only in the sense that his intelligence is eternal, just like all of our intelligences are eternal. In a very real sense the LDS Jesus is a man—very much like you and I, except of course that he’s perfectly sinless, and we, alas sin.

The Biblical Jesus on the other hand, is God Almighty (Is. 9:6) who also chose to be God with us (Matthew 1:23). He is eternal, and was always eternally God. He is all-powerful, all-knowing, and everywhere all the time. He, in many ways, is indescribable and certainly can’t fully be understood by our finite minds. In short, He is God (John 1:1) and because He’s God, He really is too big, too awesome really, for us to understand.

The difference between the two is the difference between us and God, the difference between the finite and the infinite. The difference between a God who really is a man, with a man’s limitations saving mankind by their own works, and his sacrifice, and a God who became a man for a time in order to save us from ourselves.

It’s the difference really of limiting Jesus to His barest reality found in the gospels, that of a great, important, and even awe-inspiring man walking among men. It’s forgetting or ignoring those parts of the gospel that scream out that Jesus was not just a man, but He was also God, the God who walked among us, the God who could have called down 10,000 angels to fight for Him, but instead chose to die a horrible, cruel death on the cross and a death that none of us, no man among us could die because no man, no matter how noble is good enough to pay the price He paid.

It’s the difference that Thomas saw when he fell at Jesus feet and cried “My Lord and My God” (John 20:28) worshipping Jesus as God, as God Almighty, as the Prince of Peace, and as the Lamb who was slain.

It’s a difference that’s important; fundamental really.

Worshipping an Awesome God

One of the things that I appreciate most about my church is the time of worship. Not all Christian churches do this, but in ours, after (and sometimes during) the time of singing there is a time when everyone is encouraged to vocally praise God. It’s a time when I can speak out the things that I am so very grateful that God does, or just spend time listing some of the things God is as I reflect on those very things.

The fact is that I’ve come to love the act of praising God and find it a very powerful experience to be in a room full of people who are doing the same thing.

I didn’t always appreciate who God was. I used to view Him differently. The God I grew up with was in reality a man who had progressed to a much higher level than I had: a PhD so to speak when I was in, and lived among Kindergartners. His accomplishments were something I could achieve, although it’d take a lot of hard work and dedication to come close.

The Bible however, and God’s chosen people, saw God as something more: someone who was so amazing and so great that even to speak His name, or to spell it out in a way that we’d recognize it was to possibly blaspheme it. That’s why, in Hebrew Scripture we have a tetragram for the most sacred name of God: a series of consonants that we’re not sure exactly even how to pronounce. It’s also why those scribes who copied the Sacred Writings had to wash themselves and change their clothing every single time they inscribed those four sacred letters.

This God that they worshipped caused people to prostrate themselves in times of worship: not to just lift their hands in worship, like we do today, but also to fall fully down with their face pressed to the floor in worship.

The ancient Hebrews knew for instance that God was the Creator of the Universe. Because they understood this fact, and lived so closely to creation, they knew something of the immense force that had to be exerted to do that, and yet they knew too, that God—their God and my God, merely spoke and the world came into existence. He created the matter, and even though they didn’t understand atomic theory they instinctively knew that He created even the atoms and the very subatomic particles that held all of creation together. The God they worshipped had immense power, unlimited power, power beyond anything a man could ever imagine having.

It’s why I appreciate the time of worship our pastor gives us. You see it’s a time where, as a church, we can together appreciate the super, amazing, awe-inspiring power that is God. As we do that too, we see how that Power can and will be applied in my life. After all, the Power that created the universe can certainly take on my biggest problem, not to mention that of the lady in front of me who is hurting financially after her husband left her for another woman, or the one behind me who is burdened with family members who are struggling with addiction, or the one six rows back who has mental illness, and struggles to live independently from day to day.

And, yeah, even as I think about the various problems around me, and how God is going to act in each situation, the thought occurs to me that with such an awe-inspiring God, doesn’t it make sense that we’d be awe-struck worshippers?  And, yeah, while we in the modern American church seldom see face-down-lying-on-the-ground awestruck worship, we sure feel it, and someday . .. . maybe. . .  we should try it?  One thing is certain, our God deserves it!

The Best Valentines Day Ever!

I am blessed to be married to a wonderful and godly man, and I wanted to take a moment and post about what it means to really, really be loved on Valentines Day.

First, my husband loves God with all his heart, might, mind and soul. (Duet 6:4, Matthew 22:7, Mark 12:30, Luke 10:27)  He then loves his neighbor (me) like he does himself (next verse). Because he loves God and walks in a personal relationship with Him, he allows himself to be corrected by God, forgives my mistakes, and loves me in a better way then he could by himself. In fact, he loves because God first loved him (1 John 4:7-11, 18-20) and wouldn’t really know love, or how to love if it weren’t for God’s love.

My dear husband also tries to love me as Christ loves the Church. (Ephesians 5:25) This means that he loves me sacrificially, often giving up his time, his finances, and his desires for me. It means he loves me even when I’m unlovely (something I am from time to time).

He also gives honor to me (1 Peter 3:7), honoring and respecting my opinion, my feelings, and my desires. He shows this by doing things I like, by trying not to do things that I hate, and by daily showing me that he respects and trusts me.

He is patient. He is kind. He does not envy, does not boast and is not proud.  He does not dishonor me, is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs. He does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. He always protects me, always trusts me, always hopes in me, and always perseveres with me. (1 Cor. 13: 4-7)

Like the next girl I wouldn’t mind a dozen roses, and a box of chocolates for Valentines Day, and, a romantic get-a-way, or even an evening out sound pretty good too.  But, honestly, girls, wouldn’t you rather have a godly man, who is striving to live like God wants him to live? I sure would. Thanks Steve for being that man! You’re the best!

Is Losing Out on Eternal Marriage Really a Loss?

“Don’t you feel awful for giving up the chance of eternal marriage?” is a question that my LDS friends and family ask me fairly often, usually accompanied by a look of deep concern.  I can understand the question: I’ve asked the same thing myself.

When you’re LDS the pinnacle of your religious experience is a temple marriage, and the thought of spending your eternity with your spouse, and family. (How that actually works out is a bit more complicated because presumably each of your children and their spouses will have their own eternity together so they can’t possibly be with you since they’ll be with their spouses, and then there’s the in-laws—like I said, it’s a complicated matter, but it’s still a nice thought if you have a good marriage.)

This Valentines Day I was thinking about this whole topic, and decided that I really would like to share why the loss of a temple marriage and eternal family really isn’t a loss at all.

A Christian marriage is based on the premise that God created that marriage—that He ordained the concept of marriage from the very beginning. God saw that Adam was alone, and decided that “It is not good that man should be alone.” Because of that, He created Eve. It’s also based on the premise that God made marriage for this lifetime, and He’s planned something really amazing and great for the next one. The terms the Bible uses are things like “eternal life,” “the kingdom of God,” “living water,” and “life,” and the converse as “the wrath of God” and “death.” 

Nowhere in the Bible though, does it teach that this eternal life has anything to do with an eternal marriage. In fact, the Bible teaches explicitly against eternal marriage in Matthew 22:30.

A Christian marriage therefore is a marriage for this life only, and yet that thought isn’t sad. Instead, the Christian knows that God has a far better plan, a plan that is better than the human mind can imagine. It lies in the character of God, and in a Christian’s relationship to God. God, to a Christian, really is unfathomable. Truthfully we just can’t imagine His greatness, but occasionally when we least expect it, usually, God gives us a peak into Him, and when He does we see something desirable, something amazing, something beyond our biggest dreams and we know instinctively that this Something will fulfill our every desire much, much better than any earthly thing ever could.

Truthfully we’ve experienced human marriage: even good ones, and even those heavenly moments when we think we’re already in eternity. But, when compared to what God—the God who created the universe—has for us, well we know that there really is no comparison.

So, the next time someone asked me that question, I think I’ll point them to this blog, and ask them: which would you rather have, a earthly imitation, or the Real Thing?